(224) Navigating Food Peace even if you’ve hated your body since childhood (PCOS Series with Nina Mills)

Are you coming to terms with the fact that diets don’t work for most people–yourself included? And yet every cell in your body feels repulsed with the idea of body acceptance? If you’ve been riding that diet roller coaster for as long as you can remember and want OFF you have come to the right place. Join us as we learn from guest expert Nina Mills who has new insight to get you on solid ground.

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This episode of the Love Food Podcast is brought to you by The Eating Disorder Trap book and podcast by Robyn Goldberg.

It is likely you have a close friend, client or loved one who is currently struggling with an eating disorder. Do you feel lost in a deluge of information? Are you unsure who to trust? Let this book be your guide.

Written by an expert with over twenty years of experience in the field of eating disorders, this book will give you the facts in a friendly and easy to read format. Get to know what you are dealing with and how it is taking a toll on your body and quality of life. Get rid of the myths “diet culture” has had you believe. Find out where to go and who to turn to for expert and compassionate care, maximizing your potential for recovery. A useful, inviting and all inclusive guide to eating disorders.

Also be sure to tune in to The Eating Disorder Trap Podcast, an expansive support and resource system for people struggling with eating disorders. This podcast is for clients, clinicians and anyone who wants to be able to support someone who is struggling.

Grab your free download here.

New Podcast alert!

Be sure to check out, support, and SUBSCRIBE to the Demystifying Diversity Podcast with hosts Daralyse Lyons and AnnaMarie Jones. The trailer has me hooked and can’t wait to hear more. I have a feeling you’ll love this podcast too.

Thank you for you supporting the Love Food Podcast!

Dear Food: 

You and I have had a difficult relationship for a very long time. I am only 21 years old, in the middle of working hard to be successful in my college career and other life goals, but I can’t ignore my fear and addiction to you that has always followed me like a creeping shadow. I was unhappy with my body from an early age; I recall looking back in my diary and complaining about my size (I was a healthy weight at that time) when I was 7; even back then I attributed my problems to you, though I continued to look forward to the junk food I was allowed to consume at parties or weekend restaurant trips. Puberty hit me like a truck and I grew too quickly, gaining stretch marks all over my thighs, hips and breasts. I blamed you for that too.As a teen I gradually started putting on the weight, and suffering from mysterious little things that I just thought were a part of being a growing woman. My periods were irregular and heavy; I had borderline high cholesterol and was diagnosed with prediabetes in high school. I had such low energy and craved a nap every single day. I suffered from terrible panic disorder and depression, and was put on medication that I continue to take for almost 6 years now. My acne was so bad that it made my skin itchy and red, and I spent over eight years trying what I have totaled to be at least 10 different topical and medicinal treatments for my problems. Eventually my dermatologist’s assistant (a woman) suggested I had PCOS. I did the blood work and consulted with my gynecologist; turns out they were right.I got the news of my diagnosis over phone call. I was immediately put on birth control to manage my periods, with a promise that none of these medications would affect my steadily rising weight. I sought out the help of my GP multiple times with what to do about my weight gain and other symptoms. I thought I would find a woman who understood what was wrong and how to help me. What I found was someone who just agreed to whatever I suggested I try for myself, whether it be meds, diets, or somewhat suspicious natural treatments that I was so desperate to trust that I tried them anyway.Needless to say Food, you and I both know none of it worked. I tried restricting my consumption of you to only about XYZ calories a day, for almost two months. I tried intermittent fasting. I hit the gym hard XYZ times a week, following the instructions of other women online who said they “cured” their PCOS. I tried quitting my birth control even if it meant painful periods. I have even had my family involved in helping me; my sister-in-law recommended the keto diet and running as much as possible; my brother helped me meal plan for weeks. My weight has stayed the highest it’s been. I am miserable at parties; seeing my skinny friends eat pizza and chips and soda while still staying slim makes me so upset I want to peel myself out of my own skin if it means I don’t have to be in this body. If I enjoy even a little bit of you I feel immediately riddled with guilt and shame. If I indulge a little bit I use it as an excuse to indulge a lot. Then I beat myself up, cry myself to sleep, and get up and hit the diet hard again.I have finally admitted to myself that none of these diets are working, and it isn’t my fault or necessarily yours either. PCOS was not something I got by eating one too many Oreos at sleepovers as a kid; it was genetic, something out of my control. The thing is though, even though part of me knows this to be true, I still hate my body, and I hate what you do to it. I hate that I feel like I can’t escape your influence. And I hate that I hate the way that I am.Will our relationship ever improve? Will I ever find the right combination of you that benefits my body the most? Will I be able to realize the difference between dieting or a final lifestyle change? And lastly, will I ever be happy with you around?
Sincerely,-Struggling for Life 

Show Notes:

Do you have a complicated relationship with food? I want to help! Send your Dear Food letter to LoveFoodPodcast@gmail.com. 

Click here to leave me a review in iTunes and subscribe. This type of kindness helps the show continue!

Can I do Intuitive Eating after years of Keto?

Who hasn’t heard of Keto? Wonder if it is the right option for you? Many people with PCOS or another chronic condition like diabetes, migraines, or knee pain are encouraged to give Keto a try. This is not a harmless recommendation. This week’s listener letter teases apart what Intuitive Eating means for her after years of Keto. Wonder what to do next? Listen up for more. Want to dive deep into the research and discussion? Click here for my blog post on PCOS + Keto.

Subscribe and leave a review here in just seconds.

This episode of the Love Food Podcast is brought to you by The Eating Disorder Trap book and podcast by Robyn Goldberg.

It is likely you have a close friend, client or loved one who is currently struggling with an eating disorder. Do you feel lost in a deluge of information? Are you unsure who to trust? Let this book be your guide.

Written by an expert with over twenty years of experience in the field of eating disorders, this book will give you the facts in a friendly and easy to read format. Get to know what you are dealing with and how it is taking a toll on your body and quality of life. Get rid of the myths “diet culture” has had you believe. Find out where to go and who to turn to for expert and compassionate care, maximizing your potential for recovery. A useful, inviting and all inclusive guide to eating disorders.

Also be sure to tune in to The Eating Disorder Trap Podcast, an expansive support and resource system for people struggling with eating disorders. This podcast is for clients, clinicians and anyone who wants to be able to support someone who is struggling.

Grab your free download here.

New Podcast alert!

Be sure to check out, support, and SUBSCRIBE to the Demystifying Diversity Podcast with hosts Daralyse Lyons and AnnaMarie Jones. The trailer has me hooked and can’t wait to hear more. I have a feeling you’ll love this podcast too.

Thank you for you supporting the Love Food Podcast!

Dear Food: 

After four years of eating keto to manage my PCOS and prevent diabetes, I have started trying intuitive eating, but am honestly a little skeptical that it will work for my situation. One year into keto, I quit counting carbs and have been eating somewhat intuitively since then, even enjoying a full-sugar treat a few times a year (not without consequences to my physical and mental health, but balance, right?) I don’t worry about my weight, and in fact got rid of my scale last year and don’t miss it. 

Keto was all about health for me. In fact, when I saw a new doctor a few months ago, she said I had probably gotten rid of my PCOS by cutting out sugar and I felt pretty good about that. I know it’s not possible to completely get rid of PCOS, but I know I did something right, because I started having a regular cycle for the first time in my life two years ago, thanks to keto and intermittent fasting. I don’t want to undo that and go back to where I was. 

This is why I am approaching intuitive eating with a bit of hesitation, while wanting to be free from “food rules” and not think about food so much. If I could go back to eating how I did 7 years ago without suffering adverse health effects, that would be amazing, but maybe that’s not possible because bodies and metabolisms change. 

I’ve tried eating fruit, beans, and rice in the past week. All of them messed with my blood sugar and made me feel like crap. Do I have to accept the fact that I just can’t get along with a whole category of you, namely grains and sugar, that those are just off-limits for me for the majority of the time? When I think of intuitive eating, I think of “all foods fit”, so I’m feeling a bit confused and stuck. I want to be healthy but I also want us to get along. 

Frustrated Foodie

Show Notes:

Do you have a complicated relationship with food? I want to help! Send your Dear Food letter to LoveFoodPodcast@gmail.com. 

Click here to leave me a review in iTunes and subscribe. This type of kindness helps the show continue!

Love Food Season 5 is almost here!

I am so stinking excited to bring you Love Food Season 5. Check out this trailer and my most recent letter to Food.

Subscribe and leave a review here in just seconds.

Thank you for you supporting the Love Food Podcast!

Show Notes:

Do you have a complicated relationship with food? I want to help! Send your Dear Food letter to LoveFoodPodcast@gmail.com. 

Click here to leave me a review in iTunes and subscribe. This type of kindness helps the show continue!

(222) Season 4 Finale!

As we finish up Love Food Season 4, consider what parts of your Food Peace Journey™️ you can unravel and which are not your burden to carry. We must Rally together to free all bodies and no matter what, no one can take away the steps you’ve taken on your Food Peace Journey so far. Listen to the this latest episode and stick around to the end for a special announcement!

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This episode is brought to you by my courses: PCOS and Food Peace and Dietitians PCOS and Food Peace. You CAN make peace with food even with PCOS and I want to show you how. 

Do you own a social justice informed and fat positive business? I would love to give you the first opportunity to advertise on the Love Food Podcast. Get all the details here.

Dear Wonderful, Delightful, Complicated Food: 


We’ve had a long relationship of valleys and peaks, and after a long time, I finally feel like we are at a pleasant plateau. I’m no longer caught up in the very restrictive behaviors of anorexia that I experienced when I struggled to control other aspects of my life. I recognize that sometimes, my body needs more of you, and I am usually able to eat without feeling overwhelmed by grief and negative thoughts. My husband is kind, loving, and better than anything I thought possible. 
And yet, I am very aware that plateaus have boundaries, and I am afraid that in this case, the boundary is a cliff, mostly related to aging. I have almost always been in a fat body, but about seven years ago, through severe restriction, I was small enough to shop in straight-sized stores for the first time since I was a freshman in high school. As nice as the compliments were, I was harming myself, and my relationship with you. While my therapist was outstanding in helping me build the strength to leave an abusive situation, he encouraged my weight loss. 
Leaving abuse meant a new career, and while I never planned to be in healthcare, that is where I find myself. I work in long-term care, and every day, I listen to the fatphobic opinions of the medical community. In the last five years, I have regained all the weight I lost, and more. At work, I am always the fattest person in the room. I try to tune out water cooler discussions of their personal diets, but when we discuss patient health, I am overwhelmed. Two patients can have generally equal diagnoses, symptoms, and test results, but if one is fat, their situation is blamed on their weight, and pain is nearly always reduced to “if they would lose X pounds, they wouldn’t be in pain.” I have also had some health setbacks in these recent years. I am now disabled and experience chronic pain. I was finally diagnosed with PCOS after 26 years since my first period, and I had to stop the medication that helped regulate it because of potentially deadly side effects. I know that because of PCOS, my food needs are different from others, and that I experience hunger, fullness, and cravings differently. 
Food, I am afraid that when I am older and need more medical care, they will not be able to see past the numbers on the scale. I am afraid that if I ever need residential health care, my nutrition needs will not be met because I will be served the same thing as everyone else, on their schedules, according to rules made by bureaucrats. We have worked so hard to get to this place, and I am afraid that the medical community is going to destroy that. I fear that they will not care if restriction makes my hair fall out again as long as my waist gets smaller. 
Please help me find ways to stay on good terms with you while advocating for myself within a fatphobic system. 


Sincerely, Allied Health Worker in Need of an Ally

Show Notes:

Do you have a complicated relationship with food? I want to help! Send your Dear Food letter to LoveFoodPodcast@gmail.com. 

Click here to leave me a review in iTunes and subscribe. This type of kindness helps the show continue!

(221) Fighting diet culture while recovering with Robyn Goldberg

Enticed by those slick new wellness products? Attracted to the hopefulness that comes from the idea that you can be happier in your body if just smaller? Recovering from diet culture and/or an eating disorder is so much tougher because the world hasn’t yet. Guest expert Robyn Goldberg, author of highly recommended book, The Eating Disorder Trap, weighs in on ways to move forward on your Food Peace Journey.

Subscribe and leave a review here in just seconds.

This episode is brought to you by my courses: PCOS and Food Peace and Dietitians PCOS and Food Peace. You CAN make peace with food even with PCOS and I want to show you how.

Do you own a social justice informed business? Are you a fat positive business owner? I would like to give you the first opportunity to advertise on the Love Food Podcast. Check out the details here: JulieDillonRD.com/LoveFoodSponsor

This episode’s Dear Food letter:

Dear Food,
Where do I begin? I hate you. I love you. You nourish me, yet you cause me feelings of utter guilt and shame. Do I sound crazy yet? I have been struggling with an eating disorder for over ten years. It started out innocent-as it always does! Just wanted to lose a few pounds here and there. But then the weight loss became addicting. Consume less? Move more? The weight melted off. Okay, I thought. This is working. Years down the road I am faced with a number of health problems. Electrolyte imbalances, the bones of an 80 year old woman (I am 27), weakening of my heart muscle, low potassium, and oh did I mention the depression and anxiety? With all of these consequences of my eating disorder, I found myself pushed into saying enough is enough. So, I went to treatment. I left there feeling great. Then I relapsed. I went back to treatment. Here I am weight restored, relatively "healthy" besides the issues I can't reverse. I follow my meal plan every day, listen to my body, eat when I'm hungry, don't over exercise. It is literally a full time job committing to recovery, food. So you can imagine my frustration with the world when I am all of a sudden being bombarded by the latest diet trends EVERYWHERE I LOOK. Wrap yourself skinny! Drink this superfood shake! Don't eat that processed crap! Join my fitness accountability group! Do I need to go on? What is happening? I've spent years in treatment trying to develop a healthy relationship with you food. Trying to let it sink in that you are not BAD. That it's all about balance and getting the nutrients you need to feel your best and yeah, that also means not denying myself a cookie or a damn muffin when I feel like it. I've been trying to be okay with eating how I truly WANT. Not how others think I should. But I can only take so much of this diet stuff. I can't have a conversation with someone, log into my Facebook, go to a coffee shop without calories, weight loss, or some new "get skinny quick"'scheme being thrown into my face. The problem is, the logical part of me who wants to stay in recovery knows that these schemes are bullshit. But the eating disorder loves this. It loves to just kind of tap me on the shoulder sometimes and say "hey..why don't you just order those shakes? It could be a healthy replacement for lunch if you're on the go." Or "hey you really don't get enough exercise these days, why don't you just order that new insane fitness program everyone is raving about?" 

My question is, food, how in the world am
I expected to stay on track to a healthy, balanced life when everywhere I turn there is a tempting reason for me to go back to my old ways? I know that trying one of these diets, cleanses, programs will only restrict what I am "allowed" to eat, thus ruining all of the progress I've made. BUT IT IS SO HARD, FOOD!! Are these people right? Are there foods I need to stay away from? It's so hard not to be tempted or convinced when I am feeling so vulnerable. Would trying any of these programs hurt me or can I do it in a way that is healthy? 
-Tired (but tempted) of the diet industry 

Show Notes:

Do you have a complicated relationship with food? I want to help! Send your Dear Food letter to LoveFoodPodcast@gmail.com. 

Click here to leave me a review in iTunes and subscribe. This type of kindness helps the show continue!