Show Notes

Listeners’ Letter

Dear food,

My relationship with you has not always been like this. For the majority of my life, I loved you, but at the same time, I did not pay much attention to you. I ate what was on my plate, never denied a piece of cake, and never even thought of the idea of dieting.
But, as most nice things do, this eventually came to an end, thanks to a boy in my class. This boy said instead of strawberry shortcake, people should call me strawberry fatcake, and the entire class laughed. As you can imagine, eighth grade me was mortified, and I decided not to eat for three days. I realized this was not healthy, my mom ensured me that I was, in fact, not fat, and that if she was concerned about my health, she would take me to a doctor, so I eventually returned to my old ways.
Then, I entered my freshman year of high school, surrounded by girls I thought to be much more prettier and skinnier than me. So, around Christmas, with the help of lovely diet pages on instagram, I decided to lose weight. I cut down on calories slowly and slowly, and eventually decided that 800 was about my max intake per day.
Fast forward to July, 60 pounds lighter and a diagnosis of anorexia. And I just have to say, that recovery is the hardest thing in the world. I feel like I am always eating, and I am beyond scared to eat when I am not hungry or to gain weight. It is pretty miserable, food, and I just want to forget about you!
But, the real reason that I am writing you, is that I feel like there is no way I will ever enjoy you again. How will you not make me shake at the thought of you? What if I like you too much and get fat again? How will I eat the same food again and not get fat? My goodness, the list goes on! I just need your help food, I need to know you won’t hurt me again.

Sincerely,

wanting but scared to recover