Show Notes

Listeners’ Letter

Dear Food,
It has been a long, rocky road, hasn’t it? Since I was very young, my family warned me about you. They taught me to fear you. They taught me that if I got too close to you, you would hurt me, by making my body unattractive and unhealthy. That left me feeling afraid to let you in, and ashamed when I craved you.

Now an adult and a mom in my thirties, I see how everything I was taught was so wrong. I see that you are not the enemy, and that it’s ok to enjoy our relationship. In my home, you are a welcome guest. However, my family of origin has not made peace with you. Most of them have figured out a way to control you- either through counting, or exercising too much, or keeping their distance from you generally. They see it as being strong and virtuous. They obsessively discuss their bodies and their food choices, and I can tell (although they can’t) that their need to control you takes up a lot of room in their minds and lives. As a result of their obsessions, most of their bodies look very different from mine. And while they don’t say it outright, I know they see my heavier body as a failure. They see me enjoying parts of you that they avoid, and it makes me feel insecure. They casually suggest exercising together, but I know what they really mean.

We have come such a long way together, food, but I’m sorry to admit that when I spend time with them, I find myself jealous of their smaller bodies and questioning our relationship again. I can’t cut them out of my life, and although I’ve made it clear that their open opinions are not welcome, their judgment seems to seep in anyway. What can I do to preserve our truce and my determination to learn to respect my body?
Daring to Recover