(237) I feel addicted to food while trying to recover with intuitive eating and making peace with food.

Do you describe yourself as a food addict? Frustrated with your food obsession? I have made this Love Food Podcast episode for you. Let’s unravel what is going on, sift through what you need, and make new connections.

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This episode of The Love Food Podcast is brought to you by my PCOS + Food Peace Course:

Get 30% off using the coupon code ‘LOVE2021’ starting Valentine’s Day through the end of February. Grab details at PCOSandFoodPeace.com. 

Thank you for you supporting the Love Food Podcast!

Dear Food,

I know exactly when our journey began. I had an anonormally skinny ballerina body and had gained a few pounds over the summer. I knew what I had to do. My parents always did diets so I figured it was just a part of growing up. Little did I know that losing those few pounds would lead to a horrible relationship with you and an unhealthy amount of weight gain. I used to not think about you. When I was bored, you weren’t the first one I went to. You were fuel not an addiction. Never in a million years would I have thought I would be where I am now. I have drifted so far and our relationship is so weak. I hate you but love you at the same time. You control me and I cannot contain myself around you. I’m addicted. You control my thoughts and take up my whole life. The more I pull away, the more I am attracted to you. I’m not sure why I go to you. Maybe it’s my low self-esteem, or my body image issues, or my constant want and need to look like society’s beauty standards. I feel that you are an escape I have to run from my toxic thoughts about my body because no one else cares. I feel like I cannot even continue my daily life because of the hold you have on me. I hate myself because of you but I can’t stop going back to you. I’ve tried to limit you but our relationship seems to get worse and worse. You were enjoyable, now I dread you. I’m fearful of what you will do to me. I’m fearful of how far I will go with you. You used to be a natural instinct that didn’t matter to me, now I can’t go five minutes without wanting you or thinking about how you ruin me. I guess the truth is…you aren’t the problem. Its me. I abuse you. I hate myself so I become overwhelmed and run to you. I’m not sure why I go to you. It seems counterproductive, but I’m in hopes of finding out why you have such a hold on me. I am guilty after going to you. I am humiliated, even if no one else knows. All I want is a healthy relationship with you and my body so I can move on with my life.

Sincerely, a girl who needs help

Show Notes:

Do you have a complicated relationship with food? I want to help! Send your Dear Food letter to LoveFoodPodcast@gmail.com. 

Click here to leave me a review in iTunes and subscribe. This type of kindness helps the show continue!

 

(235) I am struggling with the weight gain that has come with Intuitive Eating while living with a chronic condition like PCOS, high cholesterol, diabetes.

Are you getting a message that weight gain means you are doing it wrong?  Diets preach weight loss for health and then tell us that if their rules don’t work it is on us not them. You are not a failure if or when you gain weight. If you struggle with moving away from diets and need more insight to fuel your Food Peace Journey, you are in the right place.

Subscribe and leave a review here in just seconds.

This episode of The Love Food Podcast is brought to you by my PCOS + Food Peace Course:

Get 30% off using the coupon code ‘LOVE2021’ starting Valentine’s Day through the end of February. Grab details at PCOSandFoodPeace.com. 

Thank you for you supporting the Love Food Podcast!

Dear Food,

For probably my entire entire life I have used as a scapegoat to avoid my divided and toxic family life, my fear of relationships and men, and the excuse as to why I can’t keep the weight off. 

After my brother passed unexpectedly this year and after mindless eating to numb the pain of his absence I seeked out some help from a therapist. I am still in therapy and I was able to unblock myself with the numbness. This is where you came in Food. I was no longer using you as a source of comfort anymore. Alongside this journey I decided to read the Intuitive Eating book that Julie Duffy Dillon put on her must reads syllabus section. I read it slowly and realized even more that you don’t really bring me that source of comfort anymore or really the satisfaction. In fact I had face so much without you in just a matter of 3 months. I had to face the reality that my brother is no longer here, that I used you to numb myself to the point where I didn’t know what I was feeling, and that I fed myself the wrong foods to keep myself fat so men would leave me alone. I say this because when I have been at a lighter weight I did not feel comfortable at all with the attention. I felt vulnerable in my new body. Fat is all I have ever known. I was a wallflower and invisible to men. Once I wasn’t I was back at the binging and the weight crept up, although on a conscious level I was so upset about this. 

I know all of this sounds crazy but I had such a huge insight in such a short amount of time. I began to take care of myself, but I am really struggling with something: PCOS. I really want to build a strong and healthy relationship with my body. My body is completely out of balance because I feel it at a cellular level. Because I had gained almost 15 lbs from the loss of my brother my PCOS symptoms came back. I don’t weigh myself anymore but I do want to lose some weight so I can get off medication and re-stabilize my hormones. I just feel like all the information out there about nutrition and PCOS is so contradictory. I don’t know where to start. I find myself getting into diet mentality and I fight myself mentally constantly, especially lately. I don’t feel at peace and this concerns me. I have stopped exercising because of this mental stress too. 

I ask you Food, what am I really supposed to do? Am I supposed to be ok with the fact that maybe my PCOS Is always going to wreck havoc on my health? Am I supposed to be ok with being large and constantly fighting to stabilize my hormones. I’m only 26, and I am so fatigued. I really don’t care what the scale says anymore, what I want to know is: what exactly am I supposed to do? I honor my hunger but I noticed some days I barely eat. I logically do not think this is ok since I have PCOS. Idk if I can trust my body fully because of the PCOS. Instead of going around in circles, does intuitive eating really work for PCOS? Are carbs really what is making my hormones insane or gain a few extra pounds? I just feel so lost. I want to get out of this. I want to heal my body and my soul. I want to heal my PCOS naturally and I want to be ok with you Food. I just hate how healing PCOS equates to weight loss. I think this may be the issue. I just feel like I am always going to lose when it comes to PCOS. 

Sincerely,

Lost Cyster. 

Show Notes:

Do you have a complicated relationship with food? I want to help! Send your Dear Food letter to LoveFoodPodcast@gmail.com. 

Click here to leave me a review in iTunes and subscribe. This type of kindness helps the show continue!

 

(147) My sport demands I stay at a lower weight (with Kristie Amadio).

Are you into a sport while trying to move away from diets? Does your sport demand you to keep your weight low?  push you into a weight class that is not consistent with your body wants to weigh? Have you been told you will be better at your sport while at a lower weight? Listen up because this episode of the Love Food Podcast explores this topic featuring Kristie Amadio from RecoveredLiving.com.

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This episode is brought to you by my courses: PCOS and Food Peace and Dietitians PCOS and Food Peace. You CAN make peace with food even with PCOS and I want to show you how. Get 30% off using the coupon code ‘lovefood’ at check out through the month of February 2019.

thirdwheelED is a social media advocacy platform that raises awareness of eating disorders in LGBTQ+ communities. Started by a queer couple whose writing addresses the intersectionality of eating disorders and body image, including gender dysphoria; a queer identity; trauma; and gender identity and expression, CJ and OJ provide a dual perspective of eating disorder recovery through the lens of a nonbinary person in recovery and of a nontraditional family carer, who just happens to also be a registered dietitian! CJ and OJ would love to work with eating disorder professionals on cultivating inclusive treatment for eating disorders in LGBTQ+ communities and are available to discuss training, webinars, and speaking engagements. You can follow them on instagram, facebook, and twitter @thirdwheeled or email them at info@thirdwheeled.com.

This episode’s Dear Food letter:

Dear food,

I have written and re-written this letter so many times, but we need to talk.

Our relationship has always been rocky, coming from an americanised easter-european family, and after flirting with several eating disorders I thought I had finally broken free from restricted eating.

But then I became a boxer. Not just a lunchtime class, fitness, instagram boxer, but a fighter.

I love boxing, I love fighting and the sense of ultimate conquering I get from coming out on top and training so hard; but my relationship with you has been abused and almost destroyed in my quest to become a champion.

Within the combat industry there is a prevailing, toxic undercurrent of weight loss and diet culture expectations; crystallised in the dangerous ritual that is the weight cut.

Cutting weight is often a combination of severe restriction, forced dehydration and over exercise; and in my fight history I have done all to the extreme. This has caused not only our trust to erode, but also extreme weight cycling by about 20lbs a cut.

I am now trying to engage with intuitive eating and the HAES community after a big scare where my last cut almost landed me in the hospital. I have just started to see a anti-diet dietician who was blown away by the sheer volume of HAES resources I have consumed in my quest for health and pleasurable eating.

I am slowly increasing the amount and variety of you that I consume, but I am still stuck on true eating permission due to my fear around my club and my coach.

I am heavy, food, and I always have been. I am stocky and short for my weight and to make matters worse my family has a history of having great bone density; which probably means that I can never lose as much weight as I need to for the “fight advantage.”

While working overseas I was able to train on the fight team of a female coach. It was a mind blowing experience as far as food freedom and body positivity goes; I felt so free and proud to be my size!

I was allowed to fight very close to my walk-around weight, and even though I was 4 inches shorter than my opponent I felt fit, and fuelled, and strong.

Now back in my home country I am back at my home gym, and although I love and respect my male coach and my almost all male teammates I am so scared and anxious about the thought of gaining weight!

I don’t know if he will let me fight close to my walk around weight, but even if he does I am scared that permission to eat sweets will skyrocket my weight upwards; forcing me to undertake another dangerous weight cut.

I’m scared, food. I wrestle with guilt every time we’re at the table and you are in a regular portion size or contain “bad” carbohydrates.

There are bountiful resources for your average Jane looking to undertake the intuitive eating journey, but there are precious few for serious athletes of size like myself.

I am sick and tired of compulsively moving all day, over training, and under fueling and undernourishing my body so everything hurts when I do the smallest things like climb the stairs or pat my dog.

I’m the fittest and strongest I’ve been in my life, but I’m scared about losing that again just to make a stupid weight I’m not supposed to be.

I want to fully engage with you again, food, and have a healthy relationship where I can fuel my training and have eating competence and satisfaction!

My fear of perceived judgement from my ringmates and coach is holding me back.

How can I feel better about my bigger body in a room of lean athletes? How can I stop comparing myself to my sole female training partner who is as skinny and shredded as they come? How can I stay off the scale and retain my food choice autonomy without feeling guilt towards my coach? And how can I be proud and confident of the amazing things I can do, and my size, despite falling outside the norm of today’s media “athletes?”

Love,

fighting diet culture.

Show Notes:

Do you have a complicated relationship with food? I want to help! Send your Dear Food letter to LoveFoodPodcast@gmail.com. 

Click here to leave me a review in iTunes and subscribe. This type of kindness helps the show continue!

(143) How do I control my emotional eating?

Do you refer to yourself as an emotional eater? Do you feel shame whenever you feel soothed by food? Listen to this latest Love Food Podcast episode exploring the normal side of emotional eating and how to redefine your next steps toward Food Peace™.

Subscribe and leave a review here in just seconds.

This episode is brought to you by my courses: PCOS and Food Peace and Dietitians PCOS and Food Peace. You CAN make peace with food even with PCOS and I want to show you how.

I’ve just discovered the Body Love Box and it looks like a fantastic resource for people who live in large bodies or anyone who wants to improve their body image. It’s a monthly subscription box that gets mailed to your home and it includes things like body-positive stickers and pins as well as deeper resources on body acceptance, health at every size and intuitive eating. Each box includes items from fat and marginalized creators, and pays them a living wage for their work.
The monthly subscription can be found at www.thebodylovebox.com, and use the code LOVEFOOD for 15% off your first month.

This episode’s Dear Food letter:

Dear food, 

I’m 32 and I’ve only just started listening to my thoughts/emotions and how my eating patterns are effected.

If I’m not feeling good enough, when I’m dumped by a boyfriend, ignored or shut out by a person then I binge eat. I’m so sad that I go straight for the whole tub of ice cream and a whole bag of chips etc…

If I’m worried or stressed then I have no appetite and forget, or just cannot physically eat.

I would love to take charge of my emotional eating as it causes me to feel sluggish, heavy, I don’t know why I do it because it doesn’t make me feel better. I would really like to take control of my emotional eating. As I understand it I have to tackle my emotional connection to food which is triggered by not being good enough.

I’m early in this and looking forward to learning more about other people’s journeys which will support me on my own.

Many thanks,

Trapped Emotional Eater

Show Notes:

Do you have a complicated relationship with food? I want to help! Send your Dear Food letter to LoveFoodPodcast@gmail.com. 

Click here to leave me a review in iTunes and subscribe. This type of kindness helps the show continue!

Can you relate: “I don’t want to diet but I don’t like my body.”

I have been writing a lot lately about the dangers of diets, how seductive and manipulative they can be, and how diets don’t work. I am wondering if I just heard you say, “But…..”

Maybe you are with me on how diets suck the life out of you and food has too much power, “but” you still want to weigh less. And diets are required for that.

If this describes your current way of being around food, I encourage you to experiment with putting this dieting desire on the back burner for the next 3 to 6 months.

Taking a break from diets and the pursuit of weight loss will help your body take a break from this harmful yo yo dieting. Ending the diet chaos and weight cycling, even temporarily, will be a great investment in your mental and physical health. Stepping away from weight loss pursuits will give you the opportunity to feel less craving to binge or “emotionally” eat.

Remember that hopeful clear feeling a diet brings? This seductive fantasy is how the vicious cycle BEGINS not ends.

Do you feel chaos around food when not dieting?

Don’t blame yourself or the food, blame the dieting and the diet industry.

Blame the pursuit of weight loss.

You will find bingeing has less of a hold only after you stop dieting for a period of time.

Saying goodbye, at least for now, to diets will help you begin this journey toward Food Peace™.

Diets have violently assaulted you for too long. They are disrespectful to your body.

Eating, without dieting, is the Food Peace step of Respect. It is respecting your biology, physiology, and needs. You are not to blame for the diet’s disrespectful treatment of your body and you can be a part of turning things around.

This next steps are tough and oh, so worth it.