(232) My whole family diets with Megan Hadley + Laura Watson, Eating Disorder and Intuitive Eating Dietitians (Anti-Diet Series)

Did your family teach you to go on weight loss diets? Did they teach you distrust food and your body? The Food Peace Journey can be rocky when this is all new terrain. Let’s connect with guest experts Megan Hadley and Laura Watson–two dietitians at Simple Nutrition Counseling.

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Drumroll Please—here is this episodes letter.

Dear Food,
It has been a long, rocky road, hasn’t it? Since I was very young, my family warned me about you. They taught me to fear you. They taught me that if I got too close to you, you would hurt me, by making my body unattractive and unhealthy. That left me feeling afraid to let you in, and ashamed when I craved you. 

Now an adult and a mom in my thirties, I see how everything I was taught was so wrong. I see that you are not the enemy, and that it’s ok to enjoy our relationship. In my home, you are a welcome guest. However, my family of origin has not made peace with you. Most of them have figured out a way to control you- either through counting, or exercising too much, or keeping their distance from you generally. They see it as being strong and virtuous. They obsessively discuss their bodies and their food choices, and I can tell (although they can’t) that their need to control you takes up a lot of room in their minds and lives. As a result of their obsessions, most of their bodies look very different from mine. And while they don’t say it outright, I know they see my heavier body as a failure. They see me enjoying parts of you that they avoid, and it makes me feel insecure. They casually suggest exercising together, but I know what they really mean. 

We have come such a long way together, food, but I’m sorry to admit that when I spend time with them, I find myself jealous of their smaller bodies and questioning our relationship again. I can’t cut them out of my life, and although I’ve made it clear that their open opinions are not welcome, their judgment seems to seep in anyway. What can I do to preserve our truce and my determination to learn to respect my body? 
Daring to Recover 

Show Notes:

Do you have a complicated relationship with food? I want to help! Send your Dear Food letter to LoveFoodPodcast@gmail.com. 

Click here to leave me a review in iTunes and subscribe. This type of kindness helps the show continue!

 

(210) I feel possessed around food.

Do you feel possessed at times with the chaos that a binge brings? Have you tried everything to change your eating behavior yet feel addicted?? This episode’s letter writer is from a concerned family member worried about their parent’s on and off relationship with food. I have a feel you can relate. Listen here now to hear all the details and a way through.

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This episode is brought to you by my courses: PCOS and Food Peace and Dietitians PCOS and Food Peace. You CAN make peace with food even with PCOS and I want to show you how.

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Dear Food,

I know you and I still have work to do, but I’m writing today to talk to you about your relationship with my dad (hope you don’t mind!). He knows so much about you, and he’s tried so many diets and plans, but he just can’t stick with eating in a healthy way. He’s had a number of health problems related to his weight and diet, and has to take about a dozen prescription pills a day to address his GI issues. He says he wants to change, and wants to take better care of himself – but for years now, he and our family have watched helplessly as the motivation wanes after a week or two, disappears for months, and then shows back up full-force. It’s been exhausting for everyone to see this cycle over and over again. He even has the self-awareness to see what works for him, what doesn’t, why he might be giving up, what psycho-emotional factors are at play – but all that self-reflection doesn’t turn into action (and he knows that, too!) He’s even joked that he feels “possessed” when he binges on sugar and snacks, or that his brain and his tongue aren’t communicating, and that “it’s time to go back on that plan again.”He and the rest of us thought that after he had to be hospitalized for the GI issue, it would be enough motivation – but he went back to old habits quickly. We’ve tried cooking together, affirmations, journaling, listing all the great things that will come with healthy eating. He’s seen nutritionists and psychologists, he’s tried meditating and going to the gym. But even with the support, motivation, experts, and health care professionals, he hasn’t been able to make the changes and progress he wants. Now, his first grandchild is on the way. We love him, we don’t want to be intrusive – he’s asked for us to help. But we feel powerless, and defeated that we can’t help. Food – is it time for him (and us?) to work with a professional? How do we know where to start, and what kind of specialist to look for? He hasn’t been diagnosed with an eating disorder – will he need a doctor referral? Will this be another expense and ray of hope that goes nowhere? He wants to heal, and we want to see him love himself as much as we love him.

Love, Concerned Daughter

Show Notes:

Do you have a complicated relationship with food? I want to help! Send your Dear Food letter to LoveFoodPodcast@gmail.com. 

Click here to leave me a review in iTunes and subscribe. This type of kindness helps the show continue!

(149) My spouse doesn’t support this Food Peace journey (with Jillian Murphy).

What does your partner think about you moving away from diets? Are they cheering you on? Or admitting they wish you were pursuing weight loss? I wish this didn’t matter yet getting support from those around you helps your Food Peace™ journey. What do you do when the closest people reject body respect and acceptance? Listen to the latest Love Food podcast and hear from Dr. Jillian Murphy. We hope it helps you pave your way forward.

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This episode is brought to you by my courses: PCOS and Food Peace and Dietitians PCOS and Food Peace. You CAN make peace with food even with PCOS and I want to show you how. Get 30% off using the coupon code ‘lovefood’ at check out through the month of February 2019.

thirdwheelED is a social media advocacy platform that raises awareness of eating disorders in LGBTQ+ communities. Started by a queer couple whose writing addresses the intersectionality of eating disorders and body image, including gender dysphoria; a queer identity; trauma; and gender identity and expression, CJ and OJ provide a dual perspective of eating disorder recovery through the lens of a nonbinary person in recovery and of a nontraditional family carer, who just happens to also be a registered dietitian! CJ and OJ would love to work with eating disorder professionals on cultivating inclusive treatment for eating disorders in LGBTQ+ communities and are available to discuss training, webinars, and speaking engagements. You can follow them on instagram, facebook, and twitter @thirdwheeled or email them at info@thirdwheeled.com.

This episode’s Dear Food letter:

Dear food,

I have always had a tumultuous relationship with you. When I was a child, I was alone a lot with books and used you as my companion when I read. I read a lot! Now when I look back, I really was just in a normal kid-sized body.
However I was teased – not in a cruel way but in a loving way by people close to me – my mother, sister and later brother in law all called me chubby. A normal kid would have just laughed this off, but I was a very sensitive child and took things to heart. For a long time as a child I thought I was ugly. As a teenager, I finally understood that I could react to this teasing by controlling how much I ate of you, food and by doing that I got compliments and felt beautiful.
Then came the college years and I found I needed to control you even more, food because now I was the one responsible for buying and eating you. I had very low self esteem as a child and did not know how to be around boys. In college, I dated a guy I had a huge crush on, who acted like he was doing me a favor by starting our relationship by saying “ok we can date but you need to lose weight”. I bent over backwards for this relationship – did a lot of yo-yo dieting in those years when I would lose a ton of weight by severely restricting you, food, then get into a happy place and forget about dieting, while gaining weight.
I finally left this boyfriend and moved to another country. I met my future husband and for a couple of years was very happy and comfortable around you food. I thought I was in heaven because for the first time in my life I had found someone who truly did not see my weight and saw me as a person. I am sure I gained weight in those years but it didn’t seem to affect our relationship.
However it didn’t last long. My (now husband) has been the cruelest critic of all with the most influence over my eating habits and weight because of how close we are. He has told me he’s not attracted to my body, we’ve had big fights and little ones over my weight and my eating and he thinks if I truly loved him I would lose weight for him.
Over the last 20 years of us being together, 17 years of marriage, 2 kids and many of life’s milestones, I have developed a serious binge eating problem. I hide and eat you food. I no longer feel conformable eating what I want in front of any one, even at work when I am away from the judging eyes of my husband. As soon as I finish one meal, I am thinking or looking for my next one. Even when I’m not hungry, I am still buy and eating you in secret. I no longer have any will power against you food and have not been able to diet or lose weight (even 5 pounds) for the last 10 years.
Over the last year as I turned 40, I have been doing different things like meditation, journaling, reading blogs and listening to podcasts to get a better control and understanding of my mind. I have begun to slowly open my mind to the concept that it was never you food, but rather how I thought about myself and my body that was the problem.
My question is this – my husband and I have been to therapy a few times and my weight and his issues with it have always come up. He has always been adamant that he is not trying to be cruel but that he is just not attracted to someone who is overweight. A quick search on the internet shows that there are thousands of men out there just like him. I know that my desire to please him may have started me down this path of hiding and eating, but I have now internalized it and taken it to a whole new level that is all my own. Is my only option to leave him and try to rebuild my life? We don’t fight about my weight any more but we are also not intimate or loving. We have two kids and he is a great dad – I feel I owe it to them to stay in this relationship. How can I build a better relationship with you food, when I have someone in my life who doesn’t believe in this approach?

Show Notes:

Do you have a complicated relationship with food? I want to help! Send your Dear Food letter to LoveFoodPodcast@gmail.com. 

Click here to leave me a review in iTunes and subscribe. This type of kindness helps the show continue!

How do I get my family to understand my Food Peace™ journey? {Ep 98 with Carolyn Ross}

Are the people around you supportive of your food peace journey? Have you found a better way with intuitive eating, but are coming up against a roadblock with family and friends? Listen now for some tips on how to approach this part of the food peace journey.

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This episode is brought to you by my online course, Your Step-by-Step Guide to PCOS and Food Peace. Sign up now to get on the waitlist for the next enrollment period in January 2018, and receive my FREE road map: Your First 3 Steps Toward Food Peace with PCOS. You CAN make peace with food even with PCOS and I want to show you how.

Episode’s Key Points:

  • Making peace with food is RADICAL! It’s truly a political act, and this can cause issues within our family relationships.
  • Health is about FLEXIBILITY!!
  • Dr. Carolyn Ross joins us to talk about the family, and how to manage family members who try to be our food police.
  • Food rules contribute to the development of eating disorders, especially if there’s a perceived “weight problem.”
  • Make sure not to go too long without eating throughout the day, and add some movement into your life to enhance how your body feels!
  • Intercept questions about your food choices and your body size by making some healthy boundaries. Let them know you’re working on things with a doctor or dietitian, and leave it at that.
  • You’re allowed to be angry! Feel your feelings, and don’t feel like you have to push them down to appease family members.
  • Remember, many of us struggle with internalized fatphobia. Be sure to address this with a treatment provider so that you can work through it!
  • Our weight research is super biased!! You can be healthy at any size… it depends on our BEHAVIORS, not our weight.
  • Research shows that the healthiest weight you can be is “slightly overweight!!”
  • The medical profession changes slowly and shifts in the medical community take time. The status quo will change eventually!
  • Permission promotes health, and shame only brings us down.

Show Notes:

Do you have a complicated relationship with food? I want to help! Send your Dear Food letter to LoveFoodPodcast@gmail.com. 

Click here to leave me a review in iTunes and subscribe. This type of kindness helps the show continue!

Thank you for listening to the Love, Food series.

Promote peace with your picky eater!

Hello there! Wanted to pass on that my favorite pediatric dietitian also trained in eating disorder prevention, Katie Holder, will be holding a one time only lunch and learn next week. Would you be interested? Or, know someone who would benefit? Details below and we would love to help make meal time more enjoyable! Reservations are required so let me know if you have any questions. Reserve your spot via emailing office@birdhousenutrition.com.

Warmly,

Julie

 
JPEG Make Peace with Your Picky Eater 3.2017