Love Food is a weekly podcast series for those with a complicated relationship with Food hoping to rewrite their fate. Listen at JulieDillonRD.com/lovefoodpodcast or on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, or your fav pod catcher. You can even ask Alexa and she will play it for you 😉
So you weighed yourself and well, shit, all the rainbows and unicorns from your Intuitive Eating Honeymoon are in the crapper. What the hell happened? Just getting on the scale, seeing a scale, or thinking of stepping on a scale is enough for your brain to connect with your dieting trauma. Let’s pull up a chair and sift through this on the latest Love Food Podcast episode.
This episode of the Love Food Podcast is brought to you by Jennifer McGurk’s Pursuing Private Practice programs.
Anti-diet dietitians: take business building one step at a time surrounded by community and support. I highly recommend Jennifer’s Pursuing Private Practice Programs. Check out her free resources for Love Food Listeners here: PursuingPrivatePractice.com/LoveFood
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After a lifetime of eating, bingeing, and restricting, I finally felt like I needed to shift the way we exist in the world together. I’ve loved you, feared you, needed you, and abused you. We were in need of couples therapy. Luckily, I found a great podcast that was all about you! After binge listening to the Love Food Podcast, I was inspired to explore intuitive eating. For the last month, I’ve immersed myself into the intuitive eating/body positive culture by reading and investigating different books, blogs, etc. What I learned felt right, and I started to implement the tenets of intuitive eating. We had a great two week honeymoon, where I wasn’t anxious about dining out and I allowed myself to eat what I truly craved. I was also vigilant about stopping before I got too full. It was pretty amazing to learn how little I actually needed to feel satisfied. Things were going great until I did something stupid. I stepped on the scale. Yes, I know the experts said you can’t diet and practice intuitive eating at the same time. But, my old compulsion got the best of me. So I weighed myself and it turns out I lost a few pounds. Almost effortlessly. And that’s where I derailed. Since finding out I’ve lost some weight, I’ve been bingeing and restricting again! It’s the same thing I would do when I used to diet. Lose a little, and then eat my way back up the scale. What am I doing??? I can’t seem to find the intuitive path again. Every day I try, but end up bingeing by the end of the day. How did I get here again? I was feeling so empowered and free just a couple of weeks ago, and now I’m feeling defeated and fat all over again. I somehow turned intuitive eating into another diet gone wrong. Food, I want to get us on the right path again but I’m not sure how. Love,
New to Intuitive Eating? Welcome. Together we can help you move away from diets, diet culture, body hate, and the myth of the thin ideal. Intuitive eating is exciting AND scary. Avoid these pitfalls while cultivating other concepts described in this latest Love Food podcast episode.
Does food have power over you? Do you find you can’t stop eating certain foods? Do you connect with shame every time you soothe with food? Listen to the latest Love Food podcast where we dive deep into what’s going.
I’ve just discovered the Body Love Box and it looks like a fantastic resource for people who live in large bodies or anyone who wants to improve their body image. It’s a monthly subscription box that gets mailed to your home and it includes things like body-positive stickers and pins as well as deeper resources on body acceptance, health at every size and intuitive eating. Each box includes items from fat and marginalized creators, and pays them a living wage for their work.
The monthly subscription can be found at www.thebodylovebox.com, and use the code LOVEFOOD for 15% off your first month.
This episode’s Dear Food letter:
Dear Chocolate Covered Peppermint Oreos,
Why do you have so much power over me? Why can’t I just eat one or two of you? Why do I wake up in the middle of my sleep and eat you? I know an entire box isn’t good for me, but yet I keep going. The same goes for chips or any snack. Why can’t I eat an acceptable amount? When I’m tired, stressed, lonely you are always there to comfort me. But after I’m done, I hate myself. Our relationship has reached a scary place. I’m ready to break up but scared I’m not strong enough.
Picture this: you are in a restaurant and really craving a burger. Or a salad. You freeze. Will people judge what you choose? Do you judge what other’s choose? And how does this get in the way of your Food Peace journey? Listen to this latest episode of Love Food with special guest Jenna Hollenstein RD author of Eat to Love.
I have recently been on an uphill battle to try and fix our relationship. After countless years of living a secret life with an unacknowledged eating disorder- consisting largely of restricting and bingeing- I made the change to recognize and treat my disordered eating patterns. I have since been diagnosed with an eating disorder and am currently adventuring through the recovery process with a support system of professionals and loved ones.
Although I can feel and appreciate the changes that I’ve made and the growth that I’ve experienced, there is one recurring thought I cannot let go of. I feel that it is keeping me trapped in my eating disorder world. Currently, I am gradually increasing my food intake and attempting to diversify the types of food that I consume. However, I’m finding this to be a painfully difficult experience because I cannot stop thinking that everyone is constantly judging me for what I eat. Essentially, whenever I eat something, I believe that other people are thinking to themselves, “wow, look at her eating that…she is eating that because she is fat”. This thought is strongest if I were to ever eat food that is constructed as “unhealthy”, but is also present if I were to eat food that is constructed as “healthy” but consume a lot of it. For example, when I eat a restaurant, I fear finishing my plate because I assume that the wait staff will judge me for eating all of the food and will judge my body.
That being said, I understand that this is an illogical believe to have. I have countless pieces of objective evidence (e.g., from doctors, the number on the scale, the size of clothing I wear) that indicate that I am not fat, I am not overweight. Yet, this evidence doesn’t override my internal belief that my body is too big and that others are in agreeance with me. Throughout my recovery process, I have come to understand that I hold a strong core belief that my worth comes from my body and that I should always strive for a smaller body. I know this belief is problematic, but I can’t stop agreeing and believing it.
To add one other layer to this puzzle, this thought- where others judge my body and believe that I shouldn’t be eating because my body hasn’t achieved the thin ideal it has been striving for- is particularly difficult for me to let go of because I hold this judgment on others. I find myself judging others for what they eat and I tend to, in my mind, idealize those with small bodies and not hold them to this same judgment. This has been a difficult piece for me to accept because it makes me feel so sad and ashamed to think that I am doing to others what I fear others are doing to me. This fear has fueled so many problematic behaviors and I know it is so unfair for me to hold this judgment on others.
I am wondering how I can overcome this. How do I remove this judgment that I place on myself and on others? How do I let go of this tiring, inaccurate mind-reading game I am constantly playing? Will I ever accept my body and accept the fact that it deserves to eat food- and a variety of foods?