The Should Eat Fantasy Compliance

How many diets have you been on? When was the first one? Most people have been dieting in some shape or form….or coming off a diet…or preparing to go back on a diet….for as long as they can remember.

Can you relate?

I believe we live in a culture that has trained us to distrust our bodies and think we need to follow orders to pick out dinner options. 

We should be eating this. We should be eating that. We must not eat this after 7, or else…

Or else what?

All these shoulds lead most of us toward shame, guilt and distrust of our own innate wisdom. You were born knowing how to eat and how much. All those diets disconnected you from that. 

You may be wondering, “But I feel so good when I am dieting, at least for a little while.”

Totally. Diets and preparing for them give the notion that things will be alright soon. Just the decision to embark on a diet can relax and calm you. Your head may feel clear for the first time in a long time.

The first few days or weeks of a diet can give off a buzz of excitement and kudos from well-meaning friends and family.

Can you feel it? That’s diet seduction.

And it is just a fantasy.

The reality is diets are only short term. They are unsustainable. This is not just a belief of mine rather evidenced-based in literally hundreds of research studies.

So why do you blame yourself for the diet ending?

If diets don’t work for most people, why do doctors and dietitians recommend them?

If diets are actually harmful long term…promoting weight cycling, higher insulin levels, higher triglycerides, higher blood sugars, depression, and negative body image….why are they recommended to improve health?

Those are important questions with a really nasty answer:

The world is so fat phobic that it cannot wrap its head around the notion that weight loss is not a behavior. And, medical science has yet to find ONE diet that works to promote health and promote maintenance long term for most people. Even more, this mind control is rooted in white supremacy and misogyny.

You see how people of size are treated in our world: chairs don’t fit, airplanes won’t accommodate, and culture hasn’t provided equal treatment in academia, the military, or employment.

This constant discrimination sends anyone trying to find a way to fit in. To find more ease in a world that says their body is not acceptable.

A fat body dieting is complying with the orders: eat this not that. Do all that it takes to weigh less. Even if it hurts.

And each time you comply with the orders, the fantasy of equal treatment and a better life fill your head.

This is The Should Eat Fantasy Compliance.

This is the reason why you keep getting sucked back into Diet Culture and it is so important. You are just doing what you are told while craving equality and decency.

Unfortunately The Should Eat Fantasy Compliance distracts us all from the facts that diets don’t work for most people and they are harmful. It also distracts us from the bigotry that comes from weight stigma, racism, and gender inequality. 

I want to stand with you radically rejecting diets and reconnecting to your own innate wisdom for health.

This week’s Love Food podcast episode (107) is one of my all time favorites because it gives you the tools to stand up to the villain. In this episode I go through the 4 pillars to Food Peace: permission, pleasure, consistency, and variety. Take a listen here or via your favorite pod catcher.

Until then, call out the real villain. And take off that shame cloak. It is not for you. It never was.


Do you have a complicated relationship with food? I want to help.

Listen to the Love Food podcast and find new ways to rewrite your fate with food and body.

You can find it on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, your fav pod catcher or right here.

Body Positive PCOS New Year Resolutions

Kimberly Singh, Julie’s resident nutrition grad student {{ also affected by PCOS! }} is back to blogging on PCOS topics. Enjoy!

Are you tired of new year resolutions related to weight loss yet wonder what else to focus on?

As the new year approaches you may find yourself surrounded by diet culture at its annual peak. This is particularly difficult time to avoid diets.

Here are are 5 New Year’s resolutions that will help your PCOS while maintaining a weight-neutral approach.

Experiment with giving yourself permission to eat.

Allow yourself to eat without restriction and rules. This is scary at first, but eliminating the rules will allow you to better listen to your body.

Take a leap of faith, and trust yourself to shake off the rules created by diet culture.

Eliminating food rules will even make eating a more wholesome experience that creates space for connection, creativity, and warmth around food.

Engage in movement that brings you joy.

Let your body be present and fully engaged in movement. Move in a way that lets you feel connected to your body.

Strip away the judgments about stamina, duration, and frequency.

Simply let your body be.

Eat enough protein.

Julie recommends that people with PCOS experiment with eating 10 to 20 grams of protein in the morning and evening. Shift your focus away from labeling foods as good versus bad, and focus on eating enough.

Observe how this change affects your energy levels and PCOS symptoms.

I have found it helpful to create a list of go-to meals with enough protein. I like to be ready for the unexpected, so my go-to meals range from take-out to super fancy recipes.

Observe how your body reacts to different foods.

Be your own scientist as your discover how to best manage your PCOS.

Be a neutral observer as you explore how you feel after you eat different types of foods. You may find it helpful to take notes throughout this process. Observe how specific foods affect your energy levels, mood, and appetite.

Remind yourself that you can use this information as you please. This does not mean that you have to eliminate any foods that do not leave you completely energized and satisfied.

Don’t be scared to say, “no.”

Say “no” to people, ideas, and healthcare professionals that are not serving you and your PCOS experience. Listen to your gut instinct.

Stepping away from experiences that are not serving you will create space for experiences that are aligned with your values.

Want to find a way to treat your PCOS without dieting?

I’m recovering yet fat so why do I have to eat so much? {Ep 92}

Does the journey to food peace just feel too long? Have you been struggling to the point that it feels like it’s time to give up? Does thinking about food just make you tired? Are you struggling to make sure you eat enough every day? Listen now for some insight into this part of the food peace journey.

Subscribe and leave a review here in just seconds.

This episode is brought to you by my online course, PCOS and Food Peace. Sign up now to get on the waitlist for the next enrollment period, and receive my FREE road map: Your First 3 Steps Toward Food Peace with PCOS. You CAN make peace with food even with PCOS and I want to show you how.

Episode’s Key Points:

  • Food can be boring. Sometimes eating can be a chore, and eating decisions can be exhausting, especially in recovery.
  • Permission, self-care, and just “being” are things that the recovery journey forces us to get familiar with. But they can be challenging, and this boredom and exhaustion around food can be a sign that you are struggling with those parts of food peace.
  • Recovery is like an upward spiral… it can sometimes feel like you’re going backwards, but that just means you’re about to make a breakthrough.
  • Continue to work on grounding yourself in ALL aspects our your life, not just with food! Use a barometer check to check in with your body throughout the day. Do you feel tired, anxious, or unhappy?
  • Remember, eating disorders are NOT about the food! It’s an indicator to us that a need isn’t being met.
  • What is our body trying to tell us???
  • Our brains have neuroplasticity!! This means we can change our brains to alter our habits.
  • Remember self-compassion in this process! Eventually, your mind and body will reconnect on its own.
  • Sometimes the exhaustion is related to decision fatigue. Try to conserve your energy for the important, life altering questions!
  • How are our experiences with food replicating our experience in other areas of our lives?
  • Try CBT in conjunction with this embodiment practice!
  • Remember, you may not always have the answer… and that’s okay!!

Show Notes:

Do you have a complicated relationship with food? I want to help! Send your Dear Food letter to 

Click here to leave me a review in iTunes and subscribe. This type of kindness helps the show continue!

Thank you for listening to the Love, Food series.

Love Food Podcast Episode 73

Are you worried about your bikini body? Does vacation food make your anxiety spike and start the inner dialogue of self-loathing? Is preoccupation with your body getting in the way of you enjoying time spent adventuring? Listen now to hear my tips from a previous Love, Food Podcast episode on how to start living in the moment.

Subscribe and leave a review here in just seconds.

This episode is brought to you by Pursuing Private Practice Masterclass.

Ready to start doing things your way and kiss the corporate world goodbye?

Details here and remember the super secret discount code BOSS for 10% off.

Episode’s Key Points:

  • Food should help us enjoy life MORE, not detract from the experience.
  • The best way to keep yourself bingeing while on vacation is to restrict before, and plan to restrict after. A lack of permission throughout the year leads to “indulging” while away!
  • When you’re on vacation, you’re there to enjoy the food and experience life the way another culture does… not to obsess over what you’re eating and how it may or may not be impacting your body size.
  • How do we work on permission to help prevent this kind of preoccupation about food and body during vacation?
    • Think about a pendulum (courtesy of Maria Paredes)… if we don’t interrupt the calm sway, the highs and lows stay pretty even-keeled. This is what an intuitive, normal relationship with food looks like! If we eat past fullness for any reason, the pendulum adjusts and we eat less at some point in relation to our intuitive hunger signals to make up for it. This is how our body takes care of us! BUT if we look at the pendulum another way, with a disordered relationship with food, we can see violent swings back and forth between restriction and bingeing. SO the only way to stop it from moving violently in the bingeing direction is to STOP pulling in the direction of restriction!
    • Take a hands-off approach!!
    • Check out my blog post to learn how to slow down that pendulum!
  • It’s ABNORMAL to have a competent relationship with food in our culture!!
  • Being human is about following rhythms… the seasons, hunger… we can’t contain these rhythms, but we should trust them!
  • When we step away from diets, it’s NATURAL to experience a feeling of rebellion. The best way to bypass this rebellion is to immerse yourself in this “vacation brain” while you’re at home.
  • Eating when you’re hungry and stopping when you’re full is simple, but it’s NOT easy!
  • Unconditional permission is FUNDAMENTAL to food peace and intuitive eating.
  • Restricting food will only lead to bingeing, and if you want to have a vacation experience free from food preoccupation and filled with cultural immersion, it’s time to take away the food rules and diet talk during your regular, everyday life.
  • Always remember to reach out to an eating disorder dietitian to help you on your food peace journey!

Show Notes:

Do you have a complicated relationship with food? I want to help! Send your Dear Food letter to 

Click here to leave me a review in iTunes and subscribe. This type of kindness helps the show continue!

Thank you for listening to the Love, Food series.

I’m in a tug of war with food. {guest Evelyn Tribole}

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Have you tried embracing intuitive eating, only to feel as if giving yourself permission around food makes you lose control? Does making peace with food continually result in a tug-of-war with yourself? Do you struggle with healing your relationship with food, only to find yourself returning to diets when it feels too difficult? Listen now for some thoughts on how to move forward.

Subscribe and leave a review here in just seconds.

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Episode’s Key Points:

  • Body positivity doesn’t need to be associated with “letting yourself go” or being overfull! This overfull feeling has to do with DIETING, not body positivity.
  • Evelyn Tribole joins to help us tackle these intuitive eating struggles!!
  • Dealing with overeating when you first start exploring intuitive eating is a common struggle, and it can definitely be worked through! There’s lots of solutions here.
  • The diet industry makes us feel like we’re one bite away from poor health.
  • Remember that the process of intuitive eating and making peace with food is one of discovery and curiosity… there is no way to do it right or wrong!
  • We must connect with the body and become the expert of what own bodies need when we delve into intuitive eating. Clue into what you’re experiencing in your body, rather than in your mind.
  • You can’t make a mistake in intuitive eating! All bumps in the road are a part of the learning process. If you feel overfull, you haven’t done anything wrong! Just explore the experience and discover what is within it.
  • Trust the body, rather than pushing prescriptive rules and decisions. Our bodies have been silenced, and intuitive eating gives them a voice!
  • Interceptive awareness: the ability to perceive the feelings that arise in the body, both physical and emotional (all emotional feelings have a physical response!). Tapping into these feelings can help you get your needs met.
  • How do we move from shame or guilt to curiosity? Pause, and figure out what belief system we believe we’ve violated. Write down the thoughts and rules that we believe we are breaking.
  • Belief systems take a while to break down!
  • Treat your body as an experiment! Allow intuitive eating to guide you to become an expert of your body again.
  • Surround yourself with resources that promote self-kindness!!
  • Intuitive eating research is strong. There is a body of evidence that shows intuitive eating is health promoting!
  • Intuitive eating is getting more popular in the media… but most main news sites that cover intuitive eating focus on permission to eat, and forget about the rest of the 10 principles. We have to make sure that when people learn about intuitive eating, they learn about what it truly is in its totality!
  • When we take away the guilt and judgment around eating, we make room for satisfaction.
  • You are NOT alone!
  • The steps out of this tug-of-war will be challenging, but they will be worth it.

Show Notes:

Do you have a complicated relationship with food? I want to help! Send your Dear Food letter to 

Click here to leave me a review in iTunes and subscribe. This type of kindness helps the show continue!

Thank you for listening to the Love, Food series. Give me feedback via Twitter @EatingPermitRD.


This episode is sponsored by my friends at Green Mountain at Fox Run.

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Green Mountain at Fox Run’s Binge Eating White Paper – Myths, Truths and Treatments

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